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*Smiles*
Who am I kidding? I still like MC as much as I did back in November. Maybe even more, because I feel like now I know him really well. Back in November I assumed all these things about the type of person he was. Back in November I was really bad with assuming stuff about people still... I've learned a bit since then, and he's surprised me a lot. I've noticed in a lot of situations that I understand people really well. Maybe a future career as a counselor? I dunno, I don't know if I like the idea, but maybe that's because I've lived more than half of my life knowing I was destined to be a writer. Honestly. In first grade, I decided I was going to be a writer. That was that. Still is true. I really hope it works out. Because, because of this determination to be this and only this, I've never really thought about what to do if it fails. It's a scary thought, one I'm not going into right now, because I'm happy, damnit. MC asked me about the other guy I like. Eh... Orly. Yeah. Sometimes I forget when I'm writing in my xanga that other people read it, including him. You know, I remember being afraid that my cautious friendship with him would end up like my friendship with Charles, punctuated by two years of avoiding him for the life of me, but... it's different. I used to only see the similarities, so I could compare... but now, you know, they're only coincidences. So in both cases I talked to the guy online and he read my journal. Big whoop. I'm not the bitchatron I was in 7th grade (it's undeniable... I'm so glad I've changed), and what's more, I actually do talk to him in person on occasion. It makes all the difference. Because I can realistically see the person I have random, spastic conversations (with occasional deep portions) on AIM with in the person I see every day, passing by in the hallways. And he smiles at me. I love it when people smile at me. Really, I do. He's hard to understand, but I like to think I understand him a bit more than most people. I'm pretty sure I do. I don't know, that's another assumption I don't want to make. And yet I miss big spots because he dances around answering things (which is understandable... I don't really intend to pry) and because I have a lot of wishful thinking coming into play. The "I'd like to think". I'd like to think that he would consider going out with me. But damnit, I don't want to upset the friendship I have with him. He's an amazing, inspiring person, he really is - I feel so privelaged that I happened to be someone who got to know him a little. That sounds so corny, but it's true. I'd like to think that the no-dating thing was just intended to change the subject and isn't actually true. I don't know, I don't know. I keep repeating myself. Maybe it's a mental ploy to keep other folks from staying interested enough to read this, therefore leaving this semi-private. Yeah, that's it. *Snorts* So anyway, yeah, life is good. ^^ Maybe not for MC at the moment, but hopefully he's a bit happier now that he's talked to me and is watching a funny movie. That's a little self-centered, but I don't care. I get the least bit egotistical when I'm happy. I wrote a whole entry about this yesterday or the day before, but I locked it because it got a bit too deep. And right now I'm content with the friendship I have with him, I guess. I'd like more, but... don't want to screw up the friendship thing. So whatever he wants to do. *Shrugs* Option A, I get over him and life is good eventually, option B, something works out and life is good eventually. Whatever, man. I use this thing to sort out the same thoughts a lot, lately. Good night.
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