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Reflecting
Okay, how the hell is it that in that previous entry I forgot to mention that it was the last day of school? And I'd just sang at graduation? I'm going to miss Amy, I'm gonna miss Renon, I'm going to miss anyone else I know who's moving. Gah. I've made so many friends this year, and it hurts when some of them are ones that move every summer. But it has to be worse a hundred times over for them - having to find new friends at the beginning of the year, only to lose them at the end - repeated time after time, year after year. Isn't it selfish to be sad about that when she's got it so much worse? And I didn't even know her all that well, but she was this fantastic person that I'm never going to see again. The thought of moving scares me. The thought of moving out scares me; the thought of growing up scares me. Three more years to goof off right? Then I'm in college and in control of my own destiny, and what if I don't make it as a writer? What then? I've never really figured that part out, and the more time passes, the more anxious and nervous about it I become. Because I *don't* know what's going to happen, I have no idea. And I'm not spontaneous enough of a person to be able to accept that. I talked to Eloria last night. This morning. Not having MSN has royally screwed up my ability to talk to Shauna and Cera, and I see less and less of Ara and Eloria. I feel like I know them less and less and that's just a bit sad. Were we closer friends because I was less social, because I spent more time goofing off online than being busy and enjoying life? I'm happier now. Nineth grade was better than seventh, and certainly much better than eighth. I didn't want it to end. Saw Mrs. Mentzer and Sra. Andrews outside of Panera's yesterday. Courtney and I went over and said hey. It was kind of funny, Sra. said hola and I said "hi! Er... I mean... hola?" *Snorts* That was great. I'm definitely missing Ash, Ara, and Chris right now. Blaaah. It's summer. -Adrienne
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