Rediscovery and overjoy
June 17, 2005 @ 4:36 p.m.

You know, I was going back through my writing yesterday, making a binder of good and semi-good (which I guess normal folk would call okay) writing to take with me to Susquehanna. And what do I find? TONS, and I mean TONS of stuff I don't remember writing. I mean, it is definitely *my* phrasing, I recognize my awkward writing style and the printing (if in one of my ideabooks) or filename (if digital) are definitely mine. But I don't remember sitting down and writing what I saw before me, or even having the time to write. I must've printed 250 or more pages yesterday (Dad's sure gonna be happy when he sees how much the stack of nice printer paper has diminished). All from mid-2003 to now. And I thought I haven't been writing.

For example, we have a poem called "Puppet Strings Again", written two pages after (and the day after) the original poem "Puppet Strings" which I wrote, as if possessed, in an astonishing seven or eight minutes. This one obviously has more thought put into it, therefore I don't like it nearly as much.

--

These constricting
Puppet strings
Make me do all
Kinds of things

Many things I
Want to forget
And so many things
That I regret

I miss the days
When I was free
This imprisonment's
So sad to see

But you have me
Even more afraid
Even though this time
I've 'behaved'

These alarming
Puppet strings
Make me do all
Kinds of things

Because I'm starting to
Know what you'll do
So afraid that I'm
Getting to know you

I've ruined my life for you
I'll willingly submit
And you know, that's strange
'Cause I can't ever quit

And you know,
I'm rather lost
And it's somehow you
I'm beginning to trust

And these devouring
Puppet strings
Are making me want
The telephone's rings

Because even though
I know I hate you
I'm beginning to think
That I want you

It scares me, scars me
That through blackmail
We've a connection
And I, the connectee

--

I've also come across stories I'm dying to continue. This is indeed grand. I'm planning to work on one untitled story today along with my novel and possibly Alaska. (My, don't I have a few things on the backburner...?) I haven't felt this empowered with my writing since... ah, I'd daresay since last *May*. (Seriously, you should see all the output I've got from the spring and summer of 2004. Could be a binder by itself.)

So after I write in my journal of doom (I've a third one now) to partially reassure myself that I'm a-okay (was rather depressed and dreary last night), I shall be doing such! *Does dance*

-Adrienne

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