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Lack of motivation
Everything's gone to hell. I can't be positive anymore. It's not working. My parents are playing hockey on a minefield (well, they would be metaphorically if that wasn't so uncharacteristic of either of them) and it's the stupidest thing ever and at any second they're liable to explode and each explosion keeps grating on them so that I worry about the next one being the one that pushes them to the edge, and it's like every explosion is making them lose hit points and soon their video game selves are going to fly comically off the screen into oblivion-slash-midspace and one of them is going to file divorce. I can't talk about that in here anymore, it's too likely to be read by either one of them, and I worry that DoaSO will soon be an obsolete journal (which is saddening after 600 entries) because it's no longer the safe writing haven it was in 7th and most of 8th grade. My grandpa pays for it so he knows where it is, both my parents saw it in 8th grade. Heh. Any friendship I previously had with Paul is currently dangling very precariously on tip-toes at the edge of a very steep cliff, a steep cliff that happens to have very loose gravel/packed dirt on the last three feet before the drop. I'm not saying anything about her, because I've put it elsewhere and I'm so tired of everything and nothing is ever going to work again. The business... ha. You know those charts in cartoons with the zig-zag line of exaggerated profits and the little guy with the stick that points at it and jabbers about what it means? Right now that little guy with the stick is scratching his head and pointing his stick at the graph, the exaggerated line of which has curved into a giant question mark (a question mark which, incidentally, does not climb very tall on the chart). Two of the summer jobs I've applied for have already rejected me. Yay. The only thing motivating me these days is that story I'm writing. Ironically enough, this story is about a dysfunctional family that never should have existed. Huh. But writing makes me happy, even if I am truly crap at it, so I guess that's all that matters (until I try to apply to college). Yesterday's Writers' was a good one, I really learned a lot from Katie. Next year I will get the Britton Scholarship and I will take at least one writing course (obviously fiction) at Dickinson. I'm going to New York this summer. I can't wait. It will be sometime in July, between SUWW and drivers' ed lessons. It's gonna be a blast. I'm going to go work on that story now. -Adrienne
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